Stella Artois

Stella Artois Brewery


For those of you from Texas, it's pronounced Ar-twah, not Ar-toys. And it's a lager, not an ale, like you call everything else. Anyway, this brewery has been around since 1366, and proclaims to use the same brewing methods.which is interesting, since lagering wasn't invented until 500 years later (and more than 100 years after Sebastien Artois took over in the early 1700's). I'm wondering how the good folks at Stella Artois came up with this beer: Gee, we need a lager that can compete with Heineken and those other bastards in the Netherlands, but have less of a taste, and cost a hell of a lot more, and still sucker in import buyers in England and the US. Anybody got any ideas? Why yes boss, why don't we put a fancy, gay-looking foil thingy around the neck and cap, to make it look Imported! Right, Pierre, great idea, get right on it! And there we have it, Stella Artois as we know it. Not as good as Heineken, fancier packaging, and $7.99 per six pack. This is way too expensive, do you hear me Stella? Stella? STEEELLLLAAAAA!!!!!

Reviewed: December 11, 2004

Rating: 2/10

I'm gonna disagree with Steve on this one. Stella Ar-TOYZ (sorry, couldn't resist) does indeed taste better than Heineken, which always has that ghastly skunked smell and flavor. Now that's not saying a whole lot; drainage ditch water probably tastes better than Heineken. Still, I thought the Stella was a good clean honest lager. Nothing to grab your taste buds and kick 'em in the shins, but a decent beer nonetheless. The bottle I tried was a gimme, so I have no idea what the cost is here in Texas (where it's actually labeled as a malt liquor, not an ale, so nyah nyah!); if it's 8 bucks a six-pack, I'll pass. But if it's more like 5 or 6 bucks, I might try it again sometime.

Reviewed: February 05, 2006

Rating: 4/10

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